a "keep it real" moment...

so i have some rather awesome friends that like to try to motivate and encourage me. but no matter how much positive reinforcement i receive from them, i still just...can't...do it. i'm not sure why but my confidence feels low, even tho i think i can compete with the best of them and possess the knowledge and common sense to create salable, innovative designs, but for whatever reason i'm scared to try. i can't even put the pencil to the paper at this point. i do know that the business side of things is intimidating to me. its too hard to balance creativity and business, and who can you trust these days with your business?

i am continuously being inspired, but really have no time and no energy to release it. and now with this new life to plan and inspire, i'm not sure how i'm going to be able to balance it all. i want to be able to fulfill my own aspirations while still providing and inspiring my child. (:D) ny is full of inspiration and creativity, and so are all of my friends, but that is not fulfilling enough for me. i need to actively participate in the creative process. i need to see my ideas come to fruition.

and as i write this, a commercial for the city comes on, where whitney  prepares to debut as a designer. uugh. is it really that easy people? someone give me formula for success here. i must be missing something.

i just know my next move is a creative job, preferably in fashion. either designing or working with a magazine. its time to make that move.