making the list...

check out essense magazine's sunday's best list from easter sunday...

could someone...

already?

a "keep it real" moment...

so i have some rather awesome friends that like to try to motivate and encourage me. but no matter how much positive reinforcement i receive from them, i still just...can't...do it. i'm not sure why but my confidence feels low, even tho i think i can compete with the best of them and possess the knowledge and common sense to create salable, innovative designs, but for whatever reason i'm scared to try. i can't even put the pencil to the paper at this point. i do know that the business side of things is intimidating to me. its too hard to balance creativity and business, and who can you trust these days with your business?

i am continuously being inspired, but really have no time and no energy to release it. and now with this new life to plan and inspire, i'm not sure how i'm going to be able to balance it all. i want to be able to fulfill my own aspirations while still providing and inspiring my child. (:D) ny is full of inspiration and creativity, and so are all of my friends, but that is not fulfilling enough for me. i need to actively participate in the creative process. i need to see my ideas come to fruition.

and as i write this, a commercial for the city comes on, where whitney  prepares to debut as a designer. uugh. is it really that easy people? someone give me formula for success here. i must be missing something.

i just know my next move is a creative job, preferably in fashion. either designing or working with a magazine. its time to make that move.

cool special features...

meet pregnant barbie, midge hadley (awful name). she has it all, just like any barbie, a husband, 2 kids, and a removable belly for her third. i wish i had the cool feature to take my belly off and instantly produce a baby. oh and a responsible male figure by my side. regrettably, i still have 4 more months until i pop and a life time of legal battles ahead. 

last nite would have been a great night to be a pregnant barbie. last night i went to the XXL freshmen concert. i forgot what the rap world was like. i was totally expecting a young hipsterish crowd, but special guest cam'ron bought the hood ni#&as out. illegal smoke and drank filled the air, an environment and past time i've avoided for some time. I was hit on by guys, and just didn't understand why. in my head i'm thinking "dont you see i'm pregnant? shouldn't you be running away from me?" I felt like i should've been a lepar, but it was the complete opposite. I was getting compliments, drink offers, and oddly career advice. everyone assumed i worked for XXL or some press or was a designer. when i replied i didnt, they said you look like you could, and should. i did more talking than rapping along last nite.

i left right after cam'ron came on. the set was wack because he was more so letting his group u.n run things. and it was getting late for us. i got home around 2:30 and knocked out. i ended up over sleeping because i just felt so awful in the morning. i had a banging headache and my tummy and back were aching. idk if my body and baby was mad at me for being around smoke, but i probably won't take that chance anymore.

i finally get to work, late, and no one is there. hardly anything got accomplished, and then the baby's father decided to annoy us. always enticing us with lunch! whenever i see his face my body has an awful reaction. at this point it can't be anything but anger since every previous meeting has just been utterly ridiculous in requests on his behalf. i hope this is the end of these meetings. i really can't take anymore. i can't seem to do any right by him, even when i'm not doing anything. this situation doesn't seem to be working itself out, nor can me and him come to an agreement on anything. all i can do is pray for a miraculous, unexplainable outcome, besides this beautiful creature inside me.

as a leo...

i miss the sun

 photo by le-faju

abc's abc's

these sesame street segments with elmo and musical artists are uuber cute!!!

heeeeeeeelllllllllloooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

50 Cent - New Music - More Music Videos

i'm not tryna do that, do that, do that...

and another one for your amusement. love the 80's style dream like video...

are you serious twitterscope???

You might not want to hear this, but there is no "you" separate from "him" or "her" today. At least that's how you feel with the Moon shining in your 7th House of Relationships. But you like the idea of your sovereignty, so you may be tempted to fight back to establish dominance. Although you might feel better for a bit, eventually you'll see how even this behavior was motivated by your reaction to someone else. Don't try so hard to resist the current tides; they'll pass soon enough.

twitterscope just be hittin too close to home sometimes. so on point, its scary. i still don't know what to do, but i sure wish erryone would quit telling me what to do. i haven't even mentioned the full details of this weekend to anyone, less alone what happened last night, and erryone is offering their opinion just from the look on my face. everyone should just really leave me alone. i have about 2-3 people's opinions i value on this situation. if i don't ask you, i don't need you. thanks.

yesterday...

was a good day.

and i'm gonna leave it at that.

last nite's not so fun party...

so i was thinking about spilling the beans from last nite. but i just figured i shouldn't put anymore energy into such a disastrous affair. last nite was absurd, awkward, puzzling and monotonous. and it really took away from meeting this person.

my shit list for ny has started. i got 2.5 names so far, and counting...

surprise inspiration...

i received an email the other day with just this quote inside...


"How wrong is it for women to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than set out to create it herself." ~anais nin


these are very powerful words. i had to sit and reflect what it is i want and what it is i contribute to make myself fully happy rather than relying on someone else.


and upon discovering these words, i was in search of more. here is a page of inspiring quotes from anais nin...

lookbook inspirations...

this girl is equally as enchanting as her illustrations...

check out nancy's blog here and her work here...follow her looks here...

don't you just love it when...

you hear how your ex-boyfriend cheated on you after the fact? mano, you're so full of shit. uugh. and she said you were wack.


and exhale...
aaaahhh...

loving this song...

i heard the original version by major lazor and couldn't dig it with santi gold, the reggae voice, the horse, and other random sounds. but the rapping from ninja sonik just kinda mellows everything out...

so funny this dude has long hair like this. he looks like he has a perm, or maybe he needs one...

wish you were here london pop up shop...

tonite is the launch party for this month long london pop up shop. deet below...

wish you were here launch party
Thursday, August 20th
186 Orchard Street
(Between E. Houston & Stanton St)
7pm-10pm
With guest London DJs & live art from Artist in Residence, Shantell Martin

after party deets
after party above allen
Thompson LES, 7th Floor
190 Allen St
(Between E. Houston & Stanton St)
9pm-2am

and if you can't make the launch party, here are a few more events from the london community...

make sure come to the fashion show on the 29th! i volunteered to help out! so come to see me at least!

jay-z, kanye, and ri ri "run this town"

the influence seems very rebellious, similar to tupac's "california love" but more militant and egyptian...i don't care for the song or the video, maybe its mainly because i can't take rihanna's pterodactyl voice anymore (omg, i totally spelled pterodactyl right the first try!) i can vibe to jay, and a bit to ye, but all that time in between, there's too much screeching or whatever to call that...anyways, here's the video for you, early!

video via missinfo
follow her on twitter here

ashley X lynnette astaire

so yesterday i had an informal meeting with lynnette, a ny based photographer from chicago. we caught up on chicago, people, and life in general. it was really hard completing a thought with her because she just moves and thinks a mile a minute, but somehow we managed agree that certain people suck, the world is small, we should date guys from lombard, and its hard to be an artist in this economic climate...we is why she decided to collaborate with all her chicago/ny friends. she's creating a network within her network to amass an even larger network. i'm pretty sure the majority of her friends know the same people but may have an extended relationship within their industry to others. all of this goodness is gonna get put into an online publication, in an editorial format, but still in an informal tone. everyone should use their respected industries as leverage for unique content and in turn use this as an advantage to make more opportunites for themselves. i want to meet marc jacobs, so maybe i can interview him for this publication, and snap some shots. just maybe...anywho, i'm really stoked my being was recognized to be apart of the project, only because i don't have the best writing skills but keep getting offered online contributing positions. ironic, rite?

the internets is watchin...soon you'll have one more site to bookmark to get your random knowledge to make you look cool, or at least make the work day go by faster...

i'll keep you posted.

lata.

weekend in review...

ok, lets see...thursday i went to the ill party hosted by nina sky, mademe erin, and third floor's cedric and tony. that party was crazy. sooooo many people. and diplo was djing! it was crazy, people couldnt even stay inside, just cuz it was sooo hot. 2 floors of banging music, plus errybody was perty cute. and guess who got in? lil ol' alex blaise, this 18 year old l.e.s kid. he was drinking and dancing like no other in the basement. and donnis even came thru to hang out. it was a cool party to be at. me and booskis kicked it. sorry YOU missed it...

uuummm, what else? oh yeah, pac div was in town for a few days, so i tried to hang out with gabe aka like. his schedule sucked tho. we didnt go out after the converse tournament, erryone was super tired. we only got to hang out for a few hours. i didn't even get to take his picture this time around. he stayed in a nice hotel with some pretty nice design qualities i wanted to take advantage of, but like i said, his schedule sucked. maybe next time i'll get the ill portrait of him and the crew...

uuum, hebru and my old co-worker, nori, were in town from chicago. on friday, hebru had an art show i invited a few peeps out to. pics later. i only saw both for a few minutes. hebru was busy loving his girl, angela, and selling his artwork. when i caught up with nori, some lame dude was hanging off to the side of me trying to steal my attention, not noticing i wasn't paying him any mind. so weird when guys refuse to notice you're just not that in to them...me nori couldn't even do much since he's only 20! and it was 9 o'clock! we just had to chop it up and take it as a loss...after that i headed to janey pooh's to watch the wire. i know, maaad late, rite? anyway, she could only rent the first disc of season 1, which was a lot to take in still. 3 hrs or so, from rewatching some parts, of politics, hella characters (cops and gangstas), drugs, and slang. a world i'm not so familiar with.

and the last bit of the weekend was spent reflecting on my ideal career and the path i want to take to get it, trying to get a free bed, and oh, acting in a pilot! a friend of my roommate asked to use our apartment for a scene in her pilot. i don't have too much info on it other than it surrounds fashion. i was asked last minute to play a minor part with a 2 line speaking role. i played a timid fashion intern to an over the top fashion divo. it was fun, and possibly a new avenue for me to consider ($ wise)...later on that night, me and roommate finally met up with my friend erica, who gave me a bed! twin size, but so what! i got a free bed! all for me! its great too, cuz my room is super small. i'm gonna have to get real creative to make the most out of my space.

anywho, that's the weekend in review!
hope you enjoyed it...

trey songz "i need a girl" remix...

i'll give teyana taylor her props on this one...trey songz' new remix of "i need a girl" features remix king, fabuloso, and teyana taylor. teyana holds a decent note and adds a bit of variation to the song. i'm no musicologist, but she did good. i'm sure there was a bit of autotune, but nothing heavy. maybe she can be the girl neyo or trey songz. you kno, hoppin on other peoples' songs and remixes and singing, cuz her rap game is a wrap...

download link via 2dopeboys